Morning 20 april

 Life is what i call a whole lot of pandemonium. Decisions, actions, choices, consequences and responsibilities.

I cant be free, im always down to some kind of shackles and the pain of losing myself to all these pandemonium.

The pain of being a different kind of being that is highly incomprehensible to anyone i meet just cause im different.

Back and forth between freedom and the consequences of wanting it. Between being alive and being society accepted. Between emotional and logical.

Morning is where i need to ground myself, get my shit together and survive. Night is where i find myself utterly exhausted of all these shit and start reflecting years, months, days down to the second questioning my very existence knowing nobody can save me albeit wanting some kind of salvation to feel even a small tiny piece of happiness.

As i grew older, i realised… i just want to live like im gonna die tomorrow. Heh, the irony of wanting freedom and happiness only to expect something even more morbid hovering at the back of my mind like a stain that can never be removed.